vintage_belle: (quill pen)
I don't really know what I'm going to get by writing this. I don't really know that I want to get anything, other than a nice outlet for self-pity. I'll probably just make it private or delete it later, after having spent the day indulging in self-pity and, who knows, probably feeling worse for posting my angst than I do now because of having said angst.

I must be the most useless, one-trick-pony of a friend in the world. I'm not particularly nice or smart or graceful or anything like that. I don't really have any skills to bring to the table that someone can't do me one better in. I seem to make friends on the basis of one thing and then to be unable to hold onto them, maybe because under the sarcasm I'm just not interesting. I mean, sure I can write. I guess that translates into role-play. But once I can't write anything interesting, like now, as it happens, or my use in role-play is out, there really just isn't much left, is there?

I don't know. Since May, I have a lower opinion of myself than I've held in years. I start crying randomly sometimes. I keep thinking of stupid things I've done. I want people to be closer, but I know everyone wants to be with people who are fun, and I'm just not. It's a conundrum.
vintage_belle: (Oguri Shun - orly?)
Not that anybody cares, but have some tl;dr. Because I am in a curious state right now, with no work to do at the moment, and feel like whining writing about it.

So yes. My weird state of being.

It's not so much writer's block, I don't think, because I finished my JE Fuh-q-fest just fine. It's more like I feel idea-less. Like I can't write without getting prompts from somewhere outside of myself. Watching things doesn't spawn the feeling of 'that needs fic' anymore and I can't just sit down and start writing porn because I can't come up with a scenario that hasn't been done fifty million times. The few ideas that I do have I don't think anybody will be interested in reading.

I'm not sure how I feel about it, or what it makes me as a writer. Probably a bad one who should stop. And if I stopped writing entirely I doubt anybody would notice at this point. When was the last time I posted anything...? >.>; Especially when other people are posting out of the woodwork, and I get the singularly irrational feeling that nobody actually reads what I post anymore.

Ugh. This is what happens when I have two periods in a row free. I need more work.


And because dragons make everything better...

Adopt one today!Adopt one today!
vintage_belle: (Default)
My TESOL certificate class is ending. On Thursday. And all I can think is: Holy hell, when did that happen? I made it through my six hours of practice teaching with minimal damage to student's minds, at least. It's kind of funny, in a way, that for the last three months I've spent my time working on the concepts of a student-centered lesson, but for the most part the things I've worked on will be fairly useless - especially if I become an ALT.

Of course with the ending of the certificate course come the parents with their never-ending lectures and speeches (always the same thing said fourteen times in a span of five minutes. Quite impressive, really). Now it's talk about 'find a second job while you wait, send out your resumes NOW OR THEY'LL NEVER TAKE YOU'. 'Why are you still in my house', basically. Even though I've been working on the portfolio necessary for completing the course - as in, without it I don't get said certificate - I'm still getting my mother breathing down my neck to not do it and work on the applications for the various organizations instead. Yes, I realize that if I don't send them in, I don't get a job. But if I do send them in and don't get the certificate, three months just got wasted - not to mention money.

Still haven't done my Christmas shopping. Haven't been ice skating yet, either. At least I have better New Year's plans than 'squatting around Times Square in the freezing cold' or 'hanging out at home drinking by myself'. Hollywood Glamour at the Montauk Club it is. I'm thinking a mix of Katherine Hepburn, Veronica Lake, and Gloria Swanson. Now to buy some huge hair curlers, mousse and a metric ton of hair spray bottles.

Oh, and [livejournal.com profile] sw_inku and I are considering a joint birthday party with an enforced dress code - probably of the Victorian/Edwardian period variety. Probably at Alice's and then in Central Park for photos, weather permitting, but it's still only in the preliminary planning.
vintage_belle: (Default)
You know ... it always feels like I have no life to post about, when in reality it's more that I just don't remember to post about the days where interesting things happen, can't remeber all the details a week later, and feel slightly odd making a whole post about something that happened a week ago anyway.

Yay commas.

This past Hallowe'en I spent my time idling away the morning while picking out my outfit and getting dressed for a party at the Montauk Club. The party was set to start at 8 and continue until it ended, and as [livejournal.com profile] odin_za_vseh was meeting with one of the other main players, James, and Naomi, I was invited to tag along for dinner before hand. I being me, and thus sure to get lost, am not one to turn down something like that, and met Theo at the library. We met with his friends not long after, and from the library it was down to the village for eats and then to the Montauk Club. Since we arrived early to the party, for Theo and James needed to dress for their part in the murder mystery, Naomi and I were given a quick tour of the club - an old, beautiful house that is absolutely a perfect setting for any sort of mystery. After the tour, we retired to the bathroom so that Naomi could change into her Halloween costume. The costume being what it was and requiring the make up and a guard for the bags, we were in there for nearly an hour, and by the time we emerged the party was much more in swing. In fact, we were only just ready to leave when Theo sent in someone to search for us to make sure we hadn't fallen into the toilets.

In short: Brilliant party.

Only two days after, Theo and I were once again to meet and dress up, this time for Weimar New York. A show which I am told has degenerated from what it has been in previous years, nevertheless was a delightful and fun night of a camp drag show and good company. I was kicked twice in the head for wearing one of Theo's furs with my dress, and we were complimented for being a "proper little Weimar couple" by Flotilla DeBarge, who at that point had taken over as hostess for Lady Bunny. Plus, the night came with Theo's Russian pie - the name of which I couldn't even begin to pretend I can pronounce or type out. Let's just say it was delicious, and I ate it happily for breakfast for the next two days.

Coming up next: [livejournal.com profile] lady_gemma and her friend sleep on my floor for a week as both audition for Avex. My parents, meanwhile, are going to Aruba.

Oh. And I'm finally reading The Three Musketeers, and loving it.
vintage_belle: (Ikuta Toma - soft)
This is such a stupid thing to be annoyed about, I know, but for the twenty bajillionth FUCKING time, there is a giant ass fly in my room. Why is it there? Because although we have a screen door to our terris to prevent such things, MY PARENTS WON'T KEEP IT CLOSED.

I am displeased by it.

In other news, I spent like three hours today putting manga and DVD cases, and craft things in big plastic containers. The manga, naturally, didn't all fit into the container - I haven't finished D. Gray-Man, FMA, Furuba, or Mankin so I'm keeping those in my room. The DVD cases (I keep the DVDs in a binder) didn't all fit either, but I freed up most of a shelf so I no longer have a precariously balanced pile of books on the edge of my dresser.

Also I threw away my old old old old old giant radio/CD/cassette player away and rearranged a lot of my room, getting three of my four dolls (one is missing and I'm pretty sure I can blame that on my parents who continue to dodge the subject) actually on display rather than in a bag on the floor. Which is where they were put without my consent, yet my mother wondered why I had no floor space.

There still isn't really floor space to speak of, and I don't know why my mother thought there would be. My room is too small and has a dispairing lack of shelving - there is no place to put my books.

I do have really cute underwear and a new hair cut though, from yesterday's day out with my friend. Now I'm going to hunt down dinner and beat it into submission.

PS: If I don't get out of this house soon, permanently or for a vacation, I'm going to kill someone. It probably won't be me. Even the internship isn't getting me enough time away from my parents.
vintage_belle: (Gackt)
OMG Maou starts tonight in Japan *_*
The uploads better be ready first thing tomorrow XD
*makes grabby hands*
[/fangirling]

So as not to clog the old friends list ... )
vintage_belle: (Arashi - Matsumiya babies)
I have taken my last final. After I hand in my last project to Professor Frielund tomorrow, that's it. I'm done with college. I'm done with school.

I picked up my cap and gown today.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel. Accomplishment, I suppose, because I'm done, but I'm also done. For the moment I have nothing planned. Not grad school, no job, nothing. I've never been much for thinking about the future. Now it comes to bite me in the ass, I suppose.

Oh well. I'll figure something out eventually.

more whinging of the whining kind )
vintage_belle: (Default)
Your humble and obedient certainly had a fright this morning. The only class we have today is a 10:00 to 12:00 British Life and Culture - a three credit class that we all must take. So yours was up at 8:45 to allow herself time to lay in bed lazily while still waking up, and she was awake and making (instant, ugh) coffee by 9:00. Now, since the class is at 10:00 and the class room is in the building, everything is wonderful, right?

No. Of course not.

Because the class today was going to be at the Museum of London, which is about an hour's ride on the tube, and we were expected to meet at Barbican station at 10:00. Yours truly realized this at about 9:45, when she went down to check for mail (and found she had none). It was written on the white board - allow yourself an hour to get to Barbican station.

Well, you can imagine her reaction. She ran back up the stairs to her little flat, shoved her feet into sneakers, and dive rolled out the window to skip having to take the stairs. Except that's a lie. She did indeed take the stairs, ran for Gloucester station, and what did she discover? She found that on the Circle line - the only line that runs from Gloucester station to Barbican station, there was no service. So she figured she'd have to take the Piccadilly line to King's Cross St. Pancras, where she could switch to the Hammersmith & City line, which would take her to Barbican.

Simple, yes?

No.

Hammersmith & City line was experiencing 'severe delays' - which equated thirty minutes of standing at the platform, and another forty to move the two stations. By the time yours truly gets to Barbican, it's about 11:20, and it's another ten minutes just to walk to the museum. Thank the sweet lord she has an amazing bunch of professors, who, though noting her absence at 10:00 from Barbican, also knew of the delays and switches, took pity on her and merely said they were happy she'd made it.

The Museum of London is a quaint little museum, by the way, that features a lovely collection of preserved Mideval pieces as well as a surprising amount of preserved Roman works from nearly 2000 years ago. And in fact, the point of visiting was to get a sense of the fact that London is Very Very Old.

From 12:00 on, your humble and obedient was free to do as she wished. So she returned to her little flat to have some food (it would be the first food she'd had all day), and at 14:00 or thereabouts, she went off to the Victoria and Albert Museum again, this time with camera in hand. And the pictures she did take: )

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