vintage_belle: (Default)
[personal profile] vintage_belle
It is that time again. This year is finally coming to a close, with barely a month and a half left until graduation, and I once again worry and fret and bite my nails about what to do. I have as many feelers out as I possibly can for (yet more ALT-type) positions in Japan but I feel like they're not enough. I've only heard back from one: A full-time elementary school position.

It's more money than what I make now and it's in Chiba (Ichikawa, to be exact, not in the middle of nowhere). Rent would be higher, though, and when I spoke to the current teacher there she mentioned that she's often the only teacher in the room. I simply don't have the confidence for it. Not only that, but she's not allowed to speak Japanese when the kids can hear her. Ever.

I don't know if I can do it.

Yet if I don't do it, there isn't anything else. There aren't any non-ALT positions that will take me seriously without at least the JLPT 2. Most wouldn't even with it - they want the JLPT 1. I could start looking for graduate school. I could go home and mooch off my mother. But if I ever wanted to try my hand at Japan after that, I'd have to go through the same ALT gig all over again anyway.

It wouldn't be so bad if I knew what I was going to do with myself, if I had some kind of backup plan for life. If I knew that I had something waiting in America after Japan, I could more easily give it up and come flying back and move right back in with mom. But I don't have that. I can't think of graduate school until I can think of something worth spending that money on. I can't think of work because jobs are so limited.

This is why I was never anxious to grow up as a kid. Why I wish fervently now that I never had to.

I hate being old at 25.

Date: 2011-02-01 02:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gimmick-game.livejournal.com
Your kids this year? They love you. You are not as shit of a teacher as you think you are. In fact, given your training and your smarts, I'd say you're a damned good teacher, lady.

And the Ichikawa school is like... perfect. Even if you can't speak to/around the children in Japanese, maybe that means they're better at English or more willing to learn it and will want to communicate with you that way.

I think that Ichikawa would be really good for you. You sounded excited about it before and I know you don't feel confident in it but I will FEEL CONFIDENT FOR YOU!!!! There.

Plus, you know, the whole going to visit Masakimama with ease. :3 And being near Tokyo.So what if the rent is a little higher? You won't have the car! Boom, there's the extra right there! :Db

*snuggles* I think giving it this last year and knowing if you hit the JLPT 2 (which I think you did) will help a lot. <3

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP ILU

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