HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!
Nov. 4th, 2006 02:28 pm[edit] This no longer matters. I've decided what I want to do. [/edit]
Opinion time! Please read the paragraphs below and tell me which one reads better to you (which is smoother, which sounds nicer, whatever). The context in which they have been written don't matter - I need purely sylistic reviews. Otherwise I may never finish my NaNoWriMo.
He had an accent that Robinson was having a hard time placing. It occurred to him that his trouble might have had something to do with the silence, because the guy had paused and not continued. Robinson suddenly realized that he couldn’t see the other man’s face – hiding behind a stack of boxes as he was – and had no idea whom he was actually helping or where he was helping him to. Robinson was saved from a more awkward situation when one box was plucked off the top of the pile in his arms. The face that appeared on the other side was a nice one; evenly proportioned with smooth skin tone and complexion. Prettily rounded eyes, long lashes, full lips that were twitching in an attempt to cover up what Robinson was pretty sure was going to be that same pretty smile...
OR
He has an accent that Robinson has a hard time placing. It occurs to him that his trouble might have something to do with the silence, because the guy has paused and hasn't continued. Robinson suddenly realizes that he can't see the other man's face - hiding behind a stack of boxes as he is - and has no idea whom he's actually helping or where he's helping him to. Robinson is saved from a more awkward situation when one box is plucked off the top of the pile in his arms. The face that appears on the other side is a nice one; evenly proportioned with smooth skin tone and complexion. Prettily rounded eyes, long lashes, full lips that twitch in an attempt to cover up what Robinson is pretty sure is going to be the same pretty smile ...
Opinion time! Please read the paragraphs below and tell me which one reads better to you (which is smoother, which sounds nicer, whatever). The context in which they have been written don't matter - I need purely sylistic reviews. Otherwise I may never finish my NaNoWriMo.
OR